IS TELEVISION RUINING ME FOR REAL LIFE?

If you have ever watched Grey’s Anatomy (my guilty pleasure a few years back), you will remember that at least once in each episode, one character or another will step onto an elevator that is empty except for another character with whom they share a story arc.  The ensuing elevator ride will be long enough – quite long, usually – for the characters to have a conversation or dispute that will move the story forward.

 

I mention this because my experience is nothing like this.  There are almost always multiple people on any elevator I enter, and beyond the exchange of a few pleasantries on the occasions where I am riding with someone I know, nothing is raised or resolved.  Indeed, on an elevator full of strangers, nothing is said beyond, “Excuse me.  This is my floor.”

 

So, am I missing opportunities for life-changing conversations or is it just that TV is nothing like real life?  Certainly, Grey’s Anatomy--where surgeons perform MRIs and CT scans, and provide bed-side care following surgery, and where there is not a nurse in sight, except for that one nurse who is always in the OR—bears no resemblance to the workings of any actual hospital.

 

I find that I have a fairly high tolerance for the silliness of shows such as this. Throw in the fact that Grey’s Anatomy is more a soap opera than anything, and I’m in when I need an escape.  

 

I can’t go there, however, when it comes to shows about lawyers.  I was, after all, a lawyer prior to retiring.  I watched one episode of The Good Wife, then tuned out after the main character, who had not practiced law for a decade, was was sent off to try a case her first week at her new job.  Spoiler alert:  This is not how law firms operate.  She would have sat at a desk, doing research and drafting trial memos, for a very long time before setting foot in a courtroom.  But, you didn’t want to know that.  You’re in it for the entertainment, as would I be, if I just didn’t know too much.  

 

I’ll tell you the truth about lawyering as I experienced it.  Most of the time, there is precious little action.  Very few cases go to trial.  Of course, it wouldn’t do to make a TV show that features lawyers drafting contracts or legal briefs– it would be like watching paint dry.  So, I understand the need to jazz things up.  I just can’t watch these souped-up shows when attorneys are involved.  

 

Here's another thing that happens on TV that I never experienced in my working life.  Remember The West Wing?  Great show, where, thanks to Aaron Sorkin, characters were forever walking down hallways, having deep and critical conversations.  No drying paint there.  

 

“Why,” I remember asking a colleague as we headed toward the break room, “are we not having an important conversation right now, like the characters on The West Wing?"  He looked at me oddly, and said, “I just want a cup of coffee.”

 

Fair.

 

And then, there is The Diplomat.  Another great show.  More walking and talking.  Never an unimportant or less-than-clever conversation, even when it is only the main character and her husband alone in their room.  Why, I keep asking my husband, isn’t our repartee this scintillating?  

 

In fact, why don’t we have repartee?  

 

Here’s another thing about The Diplomat.  The diplomat in question—American Ambassador to the UK (played by the brilliant Keri Russell)--never brushes her hair.  Seriously.  Not to meet the Prime Minister.  Not to greet the public.  (She is forced, against her will, into an updo for a photo op, but that is it.). We are meant to understand that she disdains the trappings of the diplomatic life.  We get it.  I’m sure she wouldn’t primp for an audience with King Charles.  

 

So, I have a thought.  If I stop brushing my hair, will my IQ rise in direct proportion to the messiness of my appearance?  Will I become a clever conversationalist?  A mistress of the bon mot?  A quick-witted solver of unsolvable problems?  If it works for Keri, will it work for me? 

It's worth a try, don't you think?

 

 

 

 

 

 

IF I RULED THE WORLD (And Possessed the Requisite Superpowers)

           The standard workweek would be four, seven-hour days.  There would be as many 12-step groups for workaholism as there are for alcoholism.  

           In the pacific-northwest, sunny days in January and February would be holidays for non-emergency workers. 

        

           Better yet, there would be no rainy days in January and February.  (Super powers, remember.)  

           Rain would fall overnight, every other night in the summer, but never during the day.  Watering would be a thing of the past.

           The contributions of writers and other artists to society would be celebrated and financially supported by grateful and proud fellow citizens.  

            No child would ever be encouraged to choose a vocation that is “practical” over the one that captures their heart.    

            Corporate executives and others who earn sums in a week or month that ordinary mortals would not dream of earning in a lifetime would suffer intolerable shame, and feel compelled to prove their worth as human beings by devoting 90 percent of their income to good works.  This would still leave them with more income than 99 percent of the residents of planet earth.  (Note to conservatives – this is not socialism; it is self-correction.)

            There would be no organized sports for kids under the age of 10.  Informal games, such as stickball, would be encouraged.  Parents who behave badly at their children’s sporting events would be assigned to a program to help them develop their own interests. 

            The basic food, housing, education, and healthcare needs of all world citizens would be met before a penny was spent by any nation on its military.  (Meeting said needs would undoubtedly reduce the need for military spending.)  World leaders would be trained to "use their words" instead of their weapons.

            There would be no "bad schools." Tax revenues would be pooled to provide equal funding across school districts.  

            Advertising in schools would be illegal.        

            Junk food in school cafeterias would be illegal.  Knowledgeable un- and underemployed cooks and chefs would be paid a living wage to create enticing and nutritious meals for kids.

            Children would not be allowed to carry more than ten percent of their body weight in their backpacks.

            All automobiles would have to get at least 60 mpg. 

            There would be a stiff annual surtax on SUVs.  Persons who could demonstrate that they actually require such vehicles to navigate rough weather conditions could apply for a waiver.    

            Anyone leaving their car running while stopped for more than a minute would be fined.

            It would at least as difficult to obtain a license to bear arms as to obtain a license to drive a car.  

            The owner of an unsecured firearm used by someone else to cause injury or death either purposely or accidentally would be charged with a felony.

            Owning an assault weapon would be a felony.

            Pesticides would be controlled substances that could not be bought without a prescription from a person certified in integrated pest management.

            Companies that sell themselves as lawn services and indiscriminately bomb lawns with a chemical mix would be illegal.  The owners of yard care companies with the words “chemical” or “chem” in their names would be declared illegal aliens and returned to the planet whence they came.

            Bad pruning would be a crime. The first offense would be a misdemeanor, punishable with mandatory pruning school.  After that, the crimes would be classified as felonies--treeslaughter, intentional arborcide, involuntary arborcide etc.

            Airline seats would be large enough to comfortably accommodate average-sized adults.

            All malls would be dismantled and replaced by greenways.  

            No child would have to compete with an electronic device for their parent’s attention.  Same in reverse.  Use of cell phones would be forbidden during all meals.  Always.  Everywhere. 

            Christmas would be more like Thanksgiving – food, family, friends, fun, and less like, well, Christmas as we know it, with its emphasis on shopping and presents.

            Households that had the TV on less than 10 hours a week would get an income tax deduction.  Those with the TV on less than 5 hours a week would get an income tax credit.

           Chocolate would be the major source of protein and would contain no calories.  

            

                  

   photo by Church of the King on Unsplash