WORDS TO LIVE BY

I am not one for New Year’s resolutions, but I do like the idea of choosing a word or words to set the tone for the new year.  There are those who settle on one word; I prefer to choose three.  

 

Here, in alphabetical order, is the list I started with for 2026:  

 

Acceptance

Appreciation

Courage

Creativity

Faith

Focus

Forgiveness

Generosity

Gratitude

Hope

Kindness

Patience

Service

 

After much contemplation, nay agonizing, I have settled on these three:

 

Acceptance

Courage

Gratitude

 

(This is not to say the others will not guide my intentions for the new year, but contemplating more than three on a daily basis could lead to an inability to focus on any of them.)

 

Here is why I chose these three.  

 

Acceptance

 

As those who follow this blog know, this has been a challenging year for me. When something devastating happens – the death of one’s husband, say, or the totaling of one’s car -- the first reaction (mine anyway) is to fight against the reality of the event, to utter an elongated noooooooo.  It is difficult to take in a huge, unwanted life change.  The mind rebels.  But sooner or later, we must accept the reality that this is the way things are – there is no turning back. 

 

This is true not only for personal, but also for community or global happenings. Gun violence, wars, political insanity – all of these are real.  I will say again, as I have said before, acceptance is not resignation.  Once we stop fighting reality, we can figure out what to do about it.  Resignation will not lead to action, but acceptance just might allow us to move forward with our lives after a great loss or to move in the direction of healing our broken world. 

 

Courage

 

Acceptance requires courage.  It takes courage to move forward in the face of loss, to take steps, however small, toward addressing the heartbreaking realities present in our world.  I’m not sure what these steps might be, but I intend look for them in the new year and to try to move forward with courage.  (Suggestions are welcome.)

 

Gratitude

 

Gratitude is a great healer.  When I become teary over my husband’s absence, I will try to remember to be grateful for the time we had, and to think back over happy moments. 

 

Gratitude also leads to contentment. Noticing what we have is a great way to stop regretting what we do not have. The other morning, I turned up the heat and experienced a moment of pure gratitude for my functioning furnace. Sometimes, I stand in the shower and feel gratitude for hot, running water. Occasionally, in a grocery store, I look about me and feel amazement at the bounty on the shelves.  (This helps a bit with my shock at ever-rising prices.) 

 

And what will I do now that I have chosen my three words?  

Well, I have posted them in my office and will add them to the notes on my phone.  I will try to remember to contemplate them on a regular basis in the hope that they will ease my path through the new year. 

                                                                        Photo by Martino Pietropoli on Unsplash

 

 May you find words that will do the same for you. 

 

WANT WHAT YOU HAVE: Words of Wisdom for the New Year

Want what you have.

Do what you can.

Be who you are.

-       Forrest Church

    

    On this New Year’s Day, I look forward to a rebirth of kindness and civility with the next administration, along with a waning of the pandemic.  Still, I know that things will not improve overnight, and so, as I wait to see how the next few months will unfold, I take comfort in the above words from the late Unitarian minister and theologian Forrest Church.

    

    I'm not exactly sure what these words meant to Church, who used them as his mantra, or maybe I have forgotten, as it is a number of years since I came across this quote in one of his books. I have pondered them on and off, though, and here is what they have come to mean to me.

    

    Want what you have.  These words call me to appreciation and acceptance.  Let's start with appreciation. Often, we are so busy thinking about what we don't have, what we want to acquire, that we don't appreciate what we do have. And, often, we don't appreciate someone or something until we lose them or it. Or, in the words of the old blues song, "You don't miss your water 'til your well runs dry."

    

    And, oh boy, during this pandemic, have I come to appreciate and long for what I had taken for granted.  Hugging my family and friends. Lunch indoors with a friend.  Dinner at a restaurant with my husband.  Swimming.  Walking through a store without a mask.  Going to the movies.  Traveling to visit someone dear to me.  My volunteer work with hospice patients.  In-person gatherings with my book group.  I will never take these things for granted again. 

    

    So, What do I still have that I would be loath to lose.  What is the water I would miss if my well were to run dry?  There is too much to list, but here is a start.  My husband.  My daughters and bonus sons and their families.  My friends. My health.  My home.  My garden. Hot, running water.  Central heating.  A full pantry.  Weather-appropriate clothing.  Books.  Puzzles. Writing projects.  Socially distanced walks with friends.  Noting and appreciating these things looks like "wanting what I have" to me. 

    

    And, yes, I have a lot to appreciate -- more than many, maybe more than most.  There are plenty of people who do not have all or some of what I listed above.  And who could want, for instance, homelessness, a scary diagnosis, a pandemic?  This, I think, is where acceptance comes in.  And by acceptance I do not mean resignation.  I mean not wasting energy on railing against what is, on why-me-ing.  Of course, we will have these and other reactions to awful events, but after a while, we will notice that the awful thing is still a reality, no matter how much we rail. And while we are busy railing, we are not acting. 

    

    Let me hasten to add, I am not suggesting that I am good at acceptance, just that it is something to aspire to.  Here is how the spiritual teacher Ekhart Tolle puts it:  "Accept - then act.  Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it.  Always work with it, not against it.  Make it your friend and ally, not your enemy.  This will miraculously transform your whole life."

    

    Ok, so I may not be spiritually evolved enough to accept a pandemic as if I had chosen it or to make friends with injustice, but I get that accepting what is clears a path to try to do something about it.   Which brings us to the next part of Church's mantra.

    

     Do what you can.  Here is where we tackle the diagnosis, the pandemic, or whatever challenges the world presents. Church's mantra reminds me of these words from the Talmud:  "Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world's grief.  Do justly, now.  Love mercy, now.  You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it."  I find this so encouraging.  If I think about the enormity of the work that lies ahead to heal our nation, to bring about racial and social justice, I am paralyzed.  But if I think about one step that I can take and then another, I have the strength to move forward and do my small part.  Same goes for personal challenges.  Find an action.  Take it.  Then find another. 

    

    Be who you are.  This is the trickiest of the three lines for me.  I guess it boils down to doing what is congruent with my own values, to--following Polonius' admonition, being true to myself and avoiding being thrown off my path by the judgment of others or by shiny, distracting things.  Of course, being true to myself means knowing myself, and this has been the work of a lifetime.  I am getting closer, but the work is ongoing.    

    I think an important part of being who I am is not comparing myself with others.  This is an easy trap to fall into, the place where self-judgment gets in the way of peace. There will always be someone doing more of something or doing it better than I can.  But, this takes me back to "do what you can."  If I am doing what I can, there is hope for contentment.

    

    I will leave you with this little story that reminds me of the dangers of comparison.  Once, years ago, when my daughters were young, I left my house to take a walk.  A neighbor stopped me and said, "You work.  You have a beautiful garden.  You are a good mom. And you exercise?!  I thought for a moment, and then said, "What you don't know is that I don't cook."  She looked relieved, and I got on with my walk while my husband made dinner. 

Photo by Dmitry Schemelev on Unsplash