We all do it. We hear that a friend is facing something awful, and we don't know what to say, so we say something hackneyed to fill the uncomfortable silence.
Maybe we can do better. Here are some thoughts.
Unhelpful things to say to someone who is going through a hard time:
You're going to be fine. Only helpful if you absolutely know this to be true.
It could have been worse. The fact that it could have been worse, does not make a bad situation unworthy of concern.
When one door closes, another opens. Yes, but as a friend of mine once said, "It can be hell in the hallway in-between."
There's a lesson to be learned here. Maybe, but as the above-mentioned friend also asked, "Would you have chosen it as an elective course?”
God doesn't give you more than you can handle. Define handle. (And what kind of God would set up such a test?)
Everything happens for a reason. And what would that reason be? Sometimes shit just happens.
What doesn't kill you will make you stronger. Sometimes this is true, but I wouldn't say it to someone who survived the car wreck, but was rendered paraplegic and locked-in.
Time heals all wounds. Maybe not all. Maybe some of them we just learn to carry.
The best things to say to someone who is going through a hard time:
I'm sorry.
It sucks.
I'm here.
