BOTH, AND

A friend left me a phone message yesterday, asking excitedly, "Isn't this rain wonderful?"  

I could not enter fully into her excitement.  Yes, we need rain.  Yes, my garden is happy.  Yes, the big trees are happy.  And, yes, I am grateful not to be dragging hoses around.

But.  

There is so often a "but," isn't there?  

I am very happy it is raining, but the sudden barometer change affects my mood and energy, and not in a good way.  

Let's talk about the "but."

I have read or heard that it is good to change our "buts" to "ands." A but negates or, at the very least, takes the wind out of what came before. An and simply adds another fact, without taking away from the first one.  

So, instead of "I am glad it is raining, but rain affects my mood and energy," I could say, "I am glad it is raining, and rain affects my mood and energy." 

In the first sentence, the scale tips toward the negative.  In the second sentence, each clause has equal weight. 

Here are some others I have come up with:

I love spending time with my grandkids, and they are exhausting.

I dislike cooking, and I like to eat.

I love my house, and it's time to move.

I love spending time with my friends, and I never seem to have enough alone time.

I love my cats, and I want someone else to clean their litter box.

I like being alone in my house, and I would like someone to come and cook for me.

I am thrilled to have grandchildren, and I worry about the world they will grow up in.

I am grateful for all that I have, and I can't help but wonder why I have so much, while others have so little.

I am so glad I live in the Pacific Northwest, and I miss the friends I left behind when I moved here from back east.  

I have become happier in each decade of my life, and I would like to have my 40-year-old energy again.

You get the idea.  

We can hold two opposing thoughts at the same time, without one shoving the other out of the way -- can't we?  

                                                 Photo by Elena Mozhvilo on Unsplash

I'm going to try to be more conscious of my buts and ands.  

I would love to see your ands in the comments.