IF NOT NOW, THEN WHEN?

I am scared.  And I am angry. 

A while back, a niece a couple of decades younger than I asked me if I had ever before experienced a time like the one we are living through. I thought for a moment, and then told her I had lived through many scary and upsetting times, had lived through administrations I abhorred and seen presidents take actions with which I vehemently disagreed, but I had never experienced an administration that was hell-bent on tearing down our institutions, that had so little respect for the rule of law. 

Here is something else I have never seen before - Congress and the Supreme Court ceding virtually all of their power to the Executive Branch.

I have seen presidents act lawlessly (e.g., Watergate), but I have never before heard a President baldly state that the only restraint on his power is his "own morality." (And we have seen what that "morality" looks like.)  

I am scared.  And I am angry.

I've been scared before.  I was scared during the Cold War,  particularly during the Cuban Missile Crisis (1962).  I was scared on 9/11/2001.

I've been angry before.  I was angry when my country kept escalating the Vietnam War.  I was angry when my country invaded Iraq and Afghanistan. 

But, truly, I have never experienced a time like this or felt the fear or anger that I feel right now.

Today, I want to address just one thing that is making me angry and afraid, and that is the ICE crackdown on immigrants-- both those who are here legally and those who lack papers.  I have read that ICE is arresting people (including two children with cancer) even when they protest that they are citizens, and placing them in detention until they can prove their citizenship.  I have read of the horrible conditions in these detention centers.  I have seen videos of people being dragged from their vehicles.   I have read of people being sent to countries to which they have no connection, where they are held and tortured.

And now an American citizen has been shot and killed in Minneapolis, and despite videos clearly demonstrating otherwise, our president is claiming that she ran over an ICE officer. 

And two people have been shot by federal agents in Portland, with the administration again claiming they had "weaponized" their vehicle.  The facts about this shooting are not yet in, but this has not stopped the administration from creating "facts" of their choosing. (And even if, as the administration claims, these people were gang members, do we shoot people for this?)

Oh, and here's an interesting fact - ICE agents are trained not to stand in front of vehicles or to shoot at moving vehicles.

Look, we may need to reform our immigration system, but is this how we want to do it?  With cruelty and violence?  And do those who think these mass deportations are a good idea understand that it is immigrants, legal or not, who pick our fruits and vegetables in the hot sun, mow our lawns, clean our houses, wash dishes in restaurants, and do other jobs that those more fortunate eschew? Let's see how mass deportation affects our economy . . . 

So what shall we do?  If we do nothing are we like the "good Germans" who did nothing to prevent the rounding up and killing of Jews by the Nazis?  Never before have I felt so helpless, a feeling that is shared by most of my friends. 

There's only one thing I can think of to do, and that is to speak out, to take to the streets.  Last year, I did not do this.  I had two reasons.  One was my husband's death and the strange new place I found myself in. The other was fear.

But this year it is time for me to step out from behind the shield of my widowhood.  After all, I know Bill would be speaking up.

And yes, in this climate, I am afraid to take to the streets.  Hell, I am afraid to publish this post.  But, those of you who read my last post know that courage is one of the three words I have chosen to keep in front of me this year.  I am determined to walk through my fear, to raise my voice.  This is what my morality requires.

Last night, I took part in a candlelight vigil for Renee Good, the woman killed in Minneapolis. Hundreds of people gathered at a busy intersection in my city.  

Many people honked their horns in support. Two people yelled angry obscenities at us, and a car drove over a curb on one of the corners in an attempt at intimidation.  So, yes, there is reason for fear, but imagine the fear of those who are being targeted by ICE.

I know that my taking part in this vigil was a small act, but if more and more people speak up and step forth, maybe we can stop the madness.  At least we will know we didn't stay silent in the face of cruelty and injustice. 

Let me close this post with the quote from which I took its title:

If not now, then when?

If not me, then who?

                   - Malcom X

Good night and stay safe. 

(If you would like to find actions that you can take, look for a branch of Indivisible in your area by clicking on this link and scrolling down to the "SEARCH FOR YOUR GROUP" button: https://indivisible.org/)

WORDS TO LIVE BY

I am not one for New Year’s resolutions, but I do like the idea of choosing a word or words to set the tone for the new year.  There are those who settle on one word; I prefer to choose three.  

 

Here, in alphabetical order, is the list I started with for 2026:  

 

Acceptance

Appreciation

Courage

Creativity

Faith

Focus

Forgiveness

Generosity

Gratitude

Hope

Kindness

Patience

Service

 

After much contemplation, nay agonizing, I have settled on these three:

 

Acceptance

Courage

Gratitude

 

(This is not to say the others will not guide my intentions for the new year, but contemplating more than three on a daily basis could lead to an inability to focus on any of them.)

 

Here is why I chose these three.  

 

Acceptance

 

As those who follow this blog know, this has been a challenging year for me. When something devastating happens – the death of one’s husband, say, or the totaling of one’s car -- the first reaction (mine anyway) is to fight against the reality of the event, to utter an elongated noooooooo.  It is difficult to take in a huge, unwanted life change.  The mind rebels.  But sooner or later, we must accept the reality that this is the way things are – there is no turning back. 

 

This is true not only for personal, but also for community or global happenings. Gun violence, wars, political insanity – all of these are real.  I will say again, as I have said before, acceptance is not resignation.  Once we stop fighting reality, we can figure out what to do about it.  Resignation will not lead to action, but acceptance just might allow us to move forward with our lives after a great loss or to move in the direction of healing our broken world. 

 

Courage

 

Acceptance requires courage.  It takes courage to move forward in the face of loss, to take steps, however small, toward addressing the heartbreaking realities present in our world.  I’m not sure what these steps might be, but I intend look for them in the new year and to try to move forward with courage.  (Suggestions are welcome.)

 

Gratitude

 

Gratitude is a great healer.  When I become teary over my husband’s absence, I will try to remember to be grateful for the time we had, and to think back over happy moments. 

 

Gratitude also leads to contentment. Noticing what we have is a great way to stop regretting what we do not have. The other morning, I turned up the heat and experienced a moment of pure gratitude for my functioning furnace. Sometimes, I stand in the shower and feel gratitude for hot, running water. Occasionally, in a grocery store, I look about me and feel amazement at the bounty on the shelves.  (This helps a bit with my shock at ever-rising prices.) 

 

And what will I do now that I have chosen my three words?  

Well, I have posted them in my office and will add them to the notes on my phone.  I will try to remember to contemplate them on a regular basis in the hope that they will ease my path through the new year. 

                                                                        Photo by Martino Pietropoli on Unsplash

 

 May you find words that will do the same for you.